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Smile of the day! (Read 5474 times)
diva
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Smile of the day!
26. Feb 2004 at 01:45
 
I thought it was about time we injected a little humour  into Amritsar Portal so we are asking you to post your favourite jokes,quotes, cartoons or even your funniest real life experiences!  
So lets try and forget the doom and gloom out there for a while and make you smile (or even laugh out loud!)  
 
 
We welcome all your feedback but please do not send any material which is unsuitable for posting on Amritsar Portal or is disrespectful or may cause offence, especially to other faiths or cultures.  
 
 Here is a classic to start off with!
 
Pope vs Santa Singh
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.  
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community. If the Sikh won, the sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.  
 
The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.  
 
The day of the great debate came. Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger.  
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head Santa Singh pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out an apple.  
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay."  
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by  
pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"  
Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Santa Singh. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Santa Singh, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs. I let him know that we were staying right here."  
"Yes, yes and then?"asked the crowd.  
"I don't know", said Santa Singh, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!!"  
 
 
 
 
 
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diva
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maths knowledge- how much do you know?
Reply #1 - 25. Mar 2004 at 01:25
 
Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that it was surprisingly high.  
"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math question. If she gets it right, I'll pick up dinner. If not, you do." He then excused himself to visit the men's room, and the other called the waitress over.  
 
"When my friend comes back," he told her, "I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to respond `one third x cubed.' There's twenty bucks in it for you." She agreed.  
 
The cynic returned from the bathroom and called the waitress over. "The food was wonderful, thank you," the mathematician started. "Incidentally, do you know what the integral of x squared is?"  
 
The waitress looked pensive; almost pained. She looked around the room, at her feet, made gurgling noises, and finally said, "Um, one third x cubed?"  
 
So the cynic paid the check. The waitress wheeled around, walked a few paces away, looked back at the two men, and muttered under her breath, "...plus a constant."  
 
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diva
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Nail in the Fence
Reply #2 - 19. Apr 2004 at 06:08
 
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.  
 
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.  
 
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. " A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.  
 
Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."  
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